Acts of Friendship

Articulate what matters to you to meaningful convey Acknowledgement

One of the forms of respect I prioritize giving is Acknowledgement, that is praise, gratitude, and validation. The more specific and detailed we are, the more clearly we can communicate our appreciation. People are more likely to believe that the message is intended for them, not just for anyone, and therefore, it’s meaningful.

For my annual Valentine card this year, I decided to list out acts of friendship I experienced to remind the card recipients of how they supported me and what I particularly appreciated.

Here's my list: 

1. Texted me to check in 

2. Talked on the phone with me 

3. Came to visit me in the suburbs, since I don’t have a car and can’t easily visit you

4. Invited me over to your home

5. Let me invite myself over to your home 

6. Shared yourself with me 

7. Asked me questions 

8. Listened to me 

9. Gave me advice 

10. Asked me for advice 

11. Expanded my understanding on a topic by sharing a different interpretation/perspective 

12. Sent me an article or podcast you thought I’d like 

13. Shared my work with your network  

14. Encouraged me to try something new 

15. Introduced me to someone you thought I should meet 

16. Gave me a ride when I needed one 

17. Supported a message I posted on social media 

18. Attended one of my book events  

19. Invited your friend along to my book event 

20. Said yes to my request when you could 

21. Said no to my request when you couldn't 

22. Sent me a card 

23. Advocated for me even when I wasn’t in the room 

24. Told me when I had something on my face or in my teeth 

25. Gave me feedback on a work-in-progress 

I also recount specific memories, like:

• Invited me over for dinner and cooked (name the dish)

• Took a photo of my book when you got it and then posted it on social media

• Gifted me (name the item) that I would not have bought on my own and yet now I use all the time

• Took walks with me in (name the location)

• Encouraged me to write about (name the topic)

Finally, I let them know how they inspired me, like:

• Be a good manager and leader

• Spend time with your family

• Make time for self-care

• Have the courage to speak out when things aren’t right

Sometimes saying “you're amazing” is insufficient. Some people think getting generic praise is actually insincere or superficial. I found people believe your praise more if you’re explicit about what they did that was “amazing.” 

I hope these lists will inspire you to create your own list. The very act of writing out these lists also helps me articulate for myself what matters to me enough that I remember them.

After you think through what matters to you, take some time to acknowledge those people in your life.